5 Ways You Fool Yourself Into Thinking You're Smart

by Tom Sams - 06/03/2013

Life is filled with liars. The worst part is people who don’t even know they’re liars, such as people like you. That’s right, you’re a filthy fibbing fuckstick and you don’t even know you are. Throughout everyday life you’ll meet people who seem educated or intelligent when as a matter of fact they’re just brilliant liars. You’re one of them, and what makes you a dickhead is that you lie to yourself. Try not to feel too bad about it however because everybody’s guilty of it, I just happen to be picking on you because you’re the one reading this article and your inner monologue probably doesn’t like you.

People fool themselves by lying to themselves every single day. Some people think they’re beautiful when they look like a drowning pig and some people think they’re athletic even though they get out of breath when they get up off the toilet. Nevertheless, none of these can come into comparison with the fact that everybody thinks they’re highly intellectual when as a matter of fact they’re fucking stupid. Yes, I’m still talking about you.

People all over the world fool themselves into thinking they’re smart because of a few simple things. The arrogance of assuming you are quite the intellect is so egotistical and cuntish that I just want to swear at random passers-by in a blind rage. The following 5 things are behavioural styles we are all guilty of. Unfortunately, you’re not as smart as you think you are because of these things, and even more regrettably, it took this complete dipshit to have to be the one to tell you. I guess that must suck... or is there a better word for that?


Vocabulary is supposed to be the first sign of an intelligent person. If they can use larger words in their correct context, these people often come across to us - the trashy shit curbs of society - as upper class dignitaries; the sort of people who can actually go to Oxford University without having to pick a lock or break a window. However, using big and clever words doesn’t actually make you... well big and clever (although swearing definitely fucking will).

Ignorant isn’t necessarily a big word, although the fact that is three syllables makes it more confusing to people of a lower IQ. Some people think ignorant means to just ignore someone or something, when as a matter of fact it means uneducated in a particular subject (which is why racists are often called ignorant, because they’re uneducated in how to be a decent human being). If you use what could be considered a bigger word and don’t use it in its right context, then you’re going to look... well, ignorant (boy these things just write themselves, don’t they?)

Of course, if you do know the meanings of larger words and use them regularly, then you might come across as a smart guy, but the usage of big words alone doesn’t equal intelligence... it just means you’ve got a good thesaurus in your brain. In fact, according to this study, using big words can often make you look even stupider.

The essential theory is that you’ve just used a thesaurus picked word which actually doesn’t make sense in that context. It’d be like using maddening instead of annoying, because although they have similar meanings they don’t actually mean the same thing. Mike Masnick writesIt's probably a case where the general awkwardness of the larger words makes people feel that the writer is trying too hard.” If you use big words, you’re fooling yourself into fake intelligence. Speaking in general can actually make you look stupid, because another way you fool yourself into thinking you’re smart is by...


Firstly, you’re not entitled to your own opinion on every subject. I’m pretty confident I’ve already talked about this, so I’ll try not to waffle on too much. If there’s a pressing matter in the media (let’s say, for example, immigration) then don’t just read one online article on The Guardian’s website and give your instant opinion on the matter. If you do, you make yourself look extremely ignorant and ill-informed. Often, the best way to deal with the matter is to be silent and only offer your opinion if you can meet the following criteria;

• You are well versed on said subject and can offer an expert’s opinion.
• You can keep it short and sweet - waffling on always makes you look stupid.
• You can give your opinion without resorting to over emotional messages and pure ignorant bullshit.

Voicing your opinion on issues (especially political ones) doesn’t make you smart, it creates the illusion that you think everybody else thinks you’re smart... if you follow me. Essentially, you might think you’re giving a new take on such a hotly debated topic, whereas what you’re actually doing is just highlighting the fact that you always have to broadcast your belief. Seriously, most people could not give any less of a shit then they already do. Nevertheless, you’re fooling yourself because you think you can offer some new insight.

Wrong - instead you’re just showcasing how you consistently need attention and just assume everybody cares about what you have to say regarding everything. Silence is often the best policy. It’s better to have people wonder what you’re thinking, rather than them wanting you to simply shut the fuck up for a change. Self-promotion of your “intellect” is what makes you fool yourself into thinking you’re smart, much like...


Enjoy this Feature? Then you should check out these too:
1. The Internet Hates Women
2. Free Speech in the 21st Century: Are you entitled to your own Opinion?
3. 5 Pieces of Advice Nobody Wants to Hear

Also, I just published a book lol.